You are on my mind. I miss you so much. Nothing has been the same without your loving stroke. The holidays are coming. Help me, Daddy. I need your strength, your courage, and wisdom to create the visions I have stored in my heart. I love you.
All things good in you. Your daughter, Kimmi Chu.
In working through what has been left behind and going on to greater things, a harsh truth surfaces to reality from my memory. I’ve found the best and the worst example of unbradled devotion through watching my Dad lose himself for love. My Dad didn’t date much, he spoke fondly of my Mom and was open about his affection toward her. However, I watched him show up time and time again to this fruitless relationship with a women who was spiritually shipwrecked. I always longed for him to make a better choice, a selfish choice even, I wanted him to move on because I reasoned he deserved better.
I still ponder, this is how he chose to invest his best? The relationship he was most attached to, did nothing to enhance his life or nuture those greater qualities within him…I don’t know, in hind sight, maybe it fed his ego. I witnessed no rewards, no return for his investment of time, talent, or treasure. As a result, his example had harvested thrones around my heart. A bitter root, crowded with fear and anger had taken hold inside of me and at times I feel resentment towards my Dad. I’ve wondered, if this vision of love he so adamantly nurtured in me, this women he so encouraged me to become that is equipped with the knowing that true lasting treasure on Earth is not of material gain; Will I reap the loves reward in my life time? It’s with this knowledge I’ve begun to petition on behalf of my rewards for being a lover, being sincere and willing to show up and give my best in belief that I would somehow be rewarded for my diligent efforts to love another…besides I learned this through the example that was set for me.
As I look even closer I’ve found other chinks for love in my Dad’s armor, I’ve also identified a key oversight on his part when I thoroughly examine how he chose to invest his best. Through relationship with him I learned the lest seen, rarely witnessed and absolutely mind bending for those with experience to understand is true connectedness. This is how I am able to flow with my power to create. This was the illusive gift rooted in my Dad and then nurtured in me. The chink in his armor, his choice…he chose to invest his power with fruitless souls. I’ve often wondered what would have happen if my Dad had gone to greater things with esteem-able people? I’ll never understand why he kept showing up for her…BUT he set me free! Now I understand why he was so insistent that I go on…”Get outta here!”, he would say while he was laying in the hospital bed. Thanks so much! Those words gave me permission to reach, jump, to fly far and to stretch this thing called life to know no limits in my power to create greater things. My Dad would stress to me “Life is about creation!” and I would reply “Oookkk already!”
Love you Daddy, the silent star…my shining star :)
(p.s. the pictures in this video aren’t of my Dad)
I recognize how I held on to my Dad but my Dad was holding on to his Higher Power. I remember my Dad, there were times I saw him hurt, disappointed, angry, afraid, frustrated, defeated or bewildered, even lost. I would watch him wrestle with himself to come though it but he didn’t quit, fade, or faint. I found beauty in his break down.
I recognize he didn’t always know what to do but he did what was in him to do…he just kept showing up….prepared for the unexpected and expecting reward.
Love You, Daddy
Yes Daddy, I hear you.
The true mark of maturity…STAND! This is why you’ll always be a Champion in my eyes, I’ve watched you run…turn…and then STAND, you would RISE time and time again! You’ve been telling me I have that same power in me and now you’re saying, my power will surpass your own…STAND!
When the doctor sent my Dad home for the last time, that morning I walked into his room he said to me, “…Well, I guess I’ll go on home now.” I knew without him saying, he chosen. He’d given his best, kept showing up, and now he chose, he was ready to STAND and receive, to answer the call to greater things and beyond. I was there from 6am, September 31,2010 until he physically retired at 12am, October 1, 2010….my Dad’s last STAND. The next morning I learned my Dad “received” the greatest release ever. Everyday he exercised his choice to wake and be of good cheer. I know from my experience and from experiences with others, STANDING on that attitude; maintaining that posture in the mist of wrong doing, witnessing pain, or the suffering of another requires a strong back!…I’d think it would be great to rest.
You know in the Bible, Peter was the only Disciple to receive blessings for getting out the boat and walking on the water. It never said anything about him standing on the water! As a matter of fact, I think when he stopped moving he began to sink. Well, I’m definitely out the boat, my Dad taught me I could command my power to receive if I just STAND….so I think I’ll try it out and just STAND on the water for awhile. ;D
I’ve had an urgency to drop everything and check out. Last night I recalled it was this time, August 2010, you called out to me. You said, “come right now! I’m not able to manage on my own any longer.” I remember the many times I called out to you in my life and in my childlike eyes your answer was never short of greatness. You always had a response that deemed you a Champion in my eyes, now it was time for a return on your investment. I get the lesson now, just how you groomed me with the discernment to answer the call. When you called out to me, I met my power, my ability to just answer the call…keep showing up and be present so that God can show out. As God did, during your parting. My sisters showed up and showed out. Together we combined to display parts of you, you’ve never met but the world will meet. I’ve learned answering the call has never been my challenge; now believing in lasting reward, I fall, which hinders my answer. Today I’m calling to you Dad to petition on behalf of my rewards….b/c Love’s in need of a love today. Don’t delay send it right away! I believed because you believe, today I demand evidence in the Earth! I turn it over to you because you poured into me…all things good in you because you believed! I asked but my childlikeness doubts. You nurtured the vision in me, now I charge you for proper supports to bring it fruition. Love in need.
All things good in you…your Daughter,
Having had my Dad, and he did so well being a Dad, part my challenge learning to love others is loving with boundaries. As a result of my Dad’s Love my loving feelings begin from such a tender place within…I’m confused how to translate that to begin to love mortal men…lol. Help me Daddy!